Modern Marketing for a Public that Thinks It´s Seen It All

Anybody ever heard of GoldenPalace.com? Apparently it´s an online casino that is litterally trying to make its "mark" on the American public. You see, in a shameless attempt to promote itself, the casino paid Utah native, Karolyne Smith, $15,000 to permanently tattoo their URL to her forehead.

Smith claims she did this outlandishly ridiculous thing to raise money to pay for her son´s private school (I say put the damn kid in public school, it can´t possibly be as bad as having a lunatic for a mother).

"I really want to do this. To everyone else, it seems like a stupid thing to do. To me, $10,000 is like $1 million. I only live once, and I'm doing it for my son ... It's a small sacrifice to build a better future for my son." Awe, there´s nothing quite like a mother´s love. (I actually think she´s doing it for drug money. How else can she justify this outright stupidity?)

"I think this kind of advertising will become increasingly popular as time goes on. It is a perfect way to get attention amid the clutter of advertising that people see every second of every day," says a GoldenPalace rep. "Conventional forms of marketing just don't cut it anymore. To get people's attention, you have to stand out from the crowd. In light of Karolyne's story and her intentions to improve her son's education, we have given her additional $5,000 on top of the $10,000 spent on the auction." Wow, an extra 5-thou, is their no end to this company´s giving?

I don´t think the GoldenPalace higher-ups actually thought that a walking bilboard out in Nowheresville, Utah was going to garner them much business or that the general public is so jaded that they simply won´t respond to some creative commercials or print ads. The simple truth is that they´ve found a cheap way to get a lot of media attention. What magazine or newspaper wouldn´t write about this mentally challanged pawn and mention GoldenPalace.com multiple times in the process. Look at me! I´m doing it right now! I´m part of their agenda!

And don´t think this is the first kooky thing Golden Palace has done to attract the media´s attention. It´s also paid a woman $15,199 to legally change her name to GoldenPalace.com. The company also purchased a ten-year old grilled cheese sandwich that supposedly has a picture of the Virgin Mary imprinted on it for $28,000, with chief exec Richard Rowe adding, "We will definitely use the sandwich to raise money for charity, and we hope it will raise people's spirits as well." And I repeat, is there no end to this to this company´s giving?

Yes, there probably is, but there is definitely no end in sight to the sleezy ideas they´ll come up with to push their company and earn a few more dollars. Their marketing team need look no further than 24 year old Andrew Beutin, who is selling his corpse on eBay as a prime advertising space for $10,000.

His ad reads:

You are bidding for the sole right to advertise on my corpse....as soon as my corpse is discovered and otherwise legally available to you. As the winning bidder you will have the right to advertise on my corpse, definitely during the funeral. You are welcome to photograph the ad after it is finished as well as attend the funeral.

I probably won't die soon but... my risky behaviors include, snowboarding(still highly unskilled), motor scootering (several wipe outs resulting in nasty road rash), bicycling (rode into a telephone pole once on step moms bike 11yrs ago, please dont tell her), running (been hit twice already different drivers), avid climber of things (fell backwards out of barn, stranded on Pike's Peak) and I have aspirations of base jumping, bunjee jumping, running with the bulls in Spain and mixing coke with pop rocks....

Be sure to have an alibi when you see my notice in the paper. No need to e-mail me with your design and placement ideas, I am not going to be able to gripe about it anyway. Just keep the ad as tasteful as would be expected for an add on a corpse. Currently I'm a 5'7'' white male with normal appendages, digits, a head and my grandma tells me I'm handsome. I'm not posting a personal photo because I don't want to ruin the surprise/repercussions of my identity before I'm sure this ingenious bit of marketing will work but, my photo is available upon request.

Good job, Andrew. Although you didn´t receive a single bid, I am 100% sure that your morbid idea has already captured the sickly interest of GoldenPalace.com and purveyors of tabloid smut everywhere (myself included).


Sources: "eBayer auctions ad space on corpse," The Register, August 5, 2005
"Online casino tattoos woman's face," The Register, July 1, 2005
"eCasino snaps up Virgin Mary cheese sarnie," The Register, November 23, 2004
"Woman rebrands as GoldenPalace.com," The Register, March 31, 2005